New employees are like new children. You nurture them, you love them, and one day you hope they are not as irrevocably screwed up as you are (I don’t know why you should be afraid of the dark, BUT YOU JUST ARE..OKAY?!?!) Normal.
Since a birth announcement would be a bit weird, I have opted to write a brief blog about Pie Bar’s two newest additions. “Twins” you ask with hope in your eye? Not quite. Although they are both adorable and share a love for pie.
Meet Jane. She is a 20-something looking for love. She enjoys cold pizza and hot beer.
Lauren: So, Jane. How does it feel to join the Pie Bar team as our newest and coolest replacement for Cody at the front counter?
Jane: Laughs. (Jane laughs because I pay her to laugh at everything I say..). Big shoes to fill up front. I am excited because I love pie. How could you not be happy when you come in the door?
Lauren: What is your favorite pie that we currently sell?
Jane: I have to say the Peanut Butter Cream.
Writer’s note: Jane always claims she buys peanut butter cream "for her mom"…but we have our suspicions..
Lauren: Interesting. Have you had a lot of peanut butter pies in the past?
Jane: I wouldn't say “a lot,” but it is the best one I have had.
Lauren: So thousands?
Jane: Sure..or 11 or so.
Lauren: Agree to disagree.
Lauren: What advice would you give someone who has never been to Pie Bar before?
Jane: Hurry! You are missing out on one of Downtown Woodstock’s most fun, friendly, and cool places.
*Lauren hands Jane a $10 bill. A knowing look is exchanged between them.*
Lauren: And on a scale of one to 10: how many pies should you eat daily?
Jane: What? That doesn't make any sense..I mean, I guess you should eat as many as you can. So 10?
Lauren: I rest my case.
Now that you have come to know and love Jane, don’t get too attached.. Because I am sure after this interview comes out, she will be hopping on the first train out of here. BUT, if she decides she does like us and is willing to stay, make sure you show Jane some love next time you're in the shop! (mention the glamour shot..she loves that).
In an effort to keep things fair (thanks, Obama) I have to treat all employees the same; therefore, please continue reading for the introduction of Pie Bar Class of 2016’s second member: Rowdy the Rambler.
Warning: the interview below gets a bit uncomfortable. If you have a sensitive soul, avert your eyes.
Not much on the eyes; but he gets the job done.
Lauren: Rowdy, thank you for joining us today. A lot of our pie readers out there are interested in your roll with the company. Can you please expand on what you do for Pie Bar?
Lauren: Wow, so it’s going to be like that, huh?
Lauren: I guess so. Moving on. Let’s try an easier one. Tell us a little bit about yourself. I hear you’re from the 60’s. Is that correct?
Lauren: Still nothing. Great. This is great, Rowdy. You're really connecting with our readers.
Lauren: If you refuse to open up, I won’t force you. At least tell us.. what is your favorite kind of pie?
Rowdy & Lauren engage in a stare off. Lauren gives up, shoulders slumped, head down and slowly walks back to the store, defeated.
Very quietly so only a mouse could hear..
Rowdy: Peanut Butter.