If Pies Were People...

If Pies Were People...

Emily Haynes, Pie Bar

Hey there, it’s me, your friendly neighborhood Marietta Front of House team member. If your day is anything like mine, you spend a disproportionate amount of time interacting with, looking at, and thinking about pie. So much so, that the pies have ceased to exist as merely pies in my mind, they have each developed a specific personality, and I’ve begun to see them as people, nay, as friends. Allow me to introduce you. 

Apple Streusel: The Mom
The mother of all pies in more ways than one, Apple Streusel is the mom of the shop. But like, the cool mom who brings homemade granola bars and Capri Suns to your soccer game. Naturally sweet filling, study and comforting crust, with a drizzle of sass on top, Apple Streusel is always ready to wrap you up in a sweet, cinnamon hug. Her favorite pastimes include perfecting her chicken noodle soup recipe and getting lost in a good John Grisham novel. 

Bourbon Chocolate Pecan: The Grandpa
If you had to imagine a pie sitting in an antique wingback chair in front of a roaring fire, smoking a pipe and regaling stories of “the war”, which pie would it be? The Bourbon Chocolate Pecan, of course. Though his shell may be a bit hard, underneath he’s gooey and sweet (with just a touch of nuttiness). Catch this pie in his spare time reading Hemingway and telling kids to get off his lawn. 

Peanut Butter Cream: The Kid
This pie is pure energy. Cookies on bottom, peanut butter in the middle and whipped cream on top, this is the dessert we all dreamed about as kids. The Peanut Butter Cream is up at dawn, goes non-stop all day long playing every sport imaginable, and still has to run around outside while mom makes dinner to burn off some steam. Catch him (if you can) jumping on the trampoline, shooting hoops with his pals, or searching the backyard for buried treasure.

Coconut Cream pie – The Free Spirit
With her light filling and airy cream topping, this pie is practically in the clouds. Always dreaming of new art projects, or imagining alternative realities in which she travels the world in a VW bug, Coconut Cream is all about those good vibes. Catch her walking barefoot in the grass, wearing long flowy skirts, and collecting leaves which are exceptionally pretty.

Cinnamon Buttermilk: The Professor
Never has a pie exuded such strong tweed energy. A little sweet, a little spiced, a lot sophisticated, you can practically spot the elbow patches on this pie. Have you ever spent hours pondering the meaning of the white whale in Moby Dick? I can assure you Cinnamon Buttermilk has. Fond of literature and history, this pie (definitely a grad student) always has a book in hand and a pretentious opinion in his heart. Spot him on the quad reading Camus and having an existential crisis. 

Brown Sugar Chess: The Girl Next Door
Though she may not catch your eye, don’t let this pie pass you by. Taking a bite is the equivalent of the nerdy girl in teen movies taking off her glasses. Packed with, sweet golden, goodness, she knows how to be sweet but has a sprinkle of acerbic wit to let you know she’s more than a pretty face. In her spare time Brown Sugar Chess enjoys (ironically) playing chess, volunteering at the local nursing home, and smashing the patriarchy. 

Chocolate Chess: The “It’s Not a Phase”
We all know the type: dark eyeliner, black skinny jeans, an unhealthy affinity for Hot Topic; if those qualities were to manifest themselves in pie form, it would undoubtedly present as a Chocolate Chess. Chocolate Chess likes to remind you that his cracked top is a metaphor for how broken he is inside. His dark filling is may be semi-sweet, but he prefers to think of it as semi-bitter. Chocolate Chess doesn’t enjoy anything (because life is fleeting), but can often be found staring out of rainy windows, loudly singing along with My Chemical Romance, and choosing between different shades of black nail polish. 

So come say hello to the gang the next time you’re in the shop! I’m sure we all (with the possible exception of Chocolate Chess) would be delighted to see you.

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